Confession#3: Social Anxiety

I have a confession..

- a "short" story of my life with S.A.

Ever since i was a kid, i had always problem of meeting other people, i thought it was hard to start a conversations with people, i couldnt even look them in the eyes,  i was silent most of the time when i was with people, everytime we had oral presentation in school, i was very nervous and about to faint everytime, i couldn't sleep well the day before every presentation, i was alway worrying what people would say if it do that and this etc, and would be embarrest if i ever did something wrong or foolish, and could've nagging on that for a while..

I honestly thought it was just shyness, cause everytime a friend of my parents ask them why i didn't talk to much or something like that, they always say that i was only shy..so i thought i just was a shyguy..

When i was studying "caregiver" on high school, and had a lecture about social anxiety. And it hit me, and felt that i had some of those symptoms etc. From that second on, i knew i might have a weak form of social anxiety. I have never been diagnosed for Social Anxiety, but after years of studying within "health and science", i have my thoughts and opinion.. But as a highschooler, i didn't want to tell anybody that i had a weak form of Social Anxiety, cause i think it was lame, so i kept my mouth shut and just decided to work on it..

It was first when i got into college and studied nursing, i "revealed"/"admit" (or whatever you would say) that i have a weak form of Social Anxiety.. It's because i learned more about it, and really think that it's good for me to not "hide" it..

Anywho, when i got older ( from highschool + *17 yrs old*, to be more specific)  i got better to handle my anxiety, for instant i think it's not so scary to have a presentation in school, and i don't care what people think if i do this and that (or atleast not as much as i was before), or if a do something foolish, i don't think about it as much as i did. I wasn't struggling on the anxiety as much when i was younger..

Now, i think i handle things much better, even though, i still have a weak form of it (but not as much that it's bothering me all the time..) I still think is kinda hard to have conversations with new people or people i usually don't meet often, i do sometimes worry what people think of me etc etc.
The weirdest thing is, i could talk to a girl, and be really close to that person, but when i suddenly fall for the person, it's like i'm back at square one, and the anxiety comes back, and starts to overthink, nervous, feeling like i could faint, etc.. the feeling like i'm not myself.. So yeah, that's what i gotta work more on..

The reason that im writing this, is for terapeutical use for myself..
*And for those who have a social anxiety, all i can say is, it will be better, as long as you work on it.. I can't tell and say that it's it easy to overcome the anxiety, for it is not,
And i cant even imagine how hard it is for those people who really have a major social anxiety, that the anxiety is taking over your life.. I only hope and pray for you guys, and i think it will be better, it's only takes time..be patience, and work hard :)*